Neighbourhood Sketch - Mrs. Pea

Hello, er, TONE. typing. Roughly a week and a half ago, I was, erm, round at Mrs. Pea's, the old lady with long sliver hair, who lives below us, but not directly below us, sort of right a bit. 

Anyway, Mrs. Pea has a, er, little garden, that she loves, and she does all the maintenance even though she's approaching her late-nineties. Things like repotting her pink azalea, deadheading her sweet pea's, and trimming her climbing roses...

'Mrs. Pea' by TONE.

...Which is what she was up to when I rested on her tiny plastic fence thingy, the one that separates her garden from the, erm, communal green... I think that's what it's called.

She was standing on a small set of steps, holding a pair of blunt looking clippers, and she mustn't have had her glasses on, cos she was cutting willy nilly. Then it appeared that she had come across a, er, really stubborn bit, cos she seemed to be using all of her might.

The second she finally cut through it, I heard Major shouting from Leroy's, so I flew up to see what was wrong.

Turns out that it wasn't a rose shoot that Mrs. Pea was cutting through, but our telephone cable, and just as Major was posting one of his 'Major Music Monday' posts.

As you can tell, we've got the, er, internet back now, but it's been sort of nice being without it. Everyone's been more chatty, maybe I'll ask Mrs. Pea to cut though our telephone line again soon.

- TONE.

Neighbourhood Sketch - New Keith on the Block

Hello, erm, TONE. typing. How have you, er, been? 

I've been round at Keith's. He's new to the estate, think he moved in over the weekend, and from what I gather he's going through a divorce. That's what they're called isn't it? A divorce?

Anyway, I was there for a good few hours. He was watching, oh, what's it called?... 'The Notebook', that's it, yeah, he's been watching that, oh and porn, lots of porn...

'Keith' by TONE.

...Before I left he received a phone call from his wife, I mean ex-wife, I think. Is that right? Jeez, I dunno! You humans are far to complicated sometimes!... Oh yeah, the phone call, well I couldn't make out much of it, but it seemed heated. Lots of shouting and crying.

Afterwards I tried to console him, but he went berserk! Started trying to swat me, calling me horrible things. "Bastard fly" this and "bastard fly" that. I was only being nice... So before I left I did a little fly poo on his stupid bald head. Ha!

Seriously though, I hope he gets over her soon, or they sort it out, if not for themselves then for their goldfish. Poor things in a right mess.

Erm, more nebbing and sketches soon, bye.

- TONE.

Neighbourhood Sketch - Father's Day (Pollyanna's Flat)

Hello, TONE. typing. So, I was, er, doing some of my usual nebbing about the estate yesterday, and I wound up in the kitchen of Pollyanna Twentywell. Her brother Nicholas was round, and er, they were talking about baking a cake for their Dad, because it was Father's Day. 

I know next to nothing about baking, but some of the ingredients seemed a bit odd to, er, say the least. There was an awful lot of rat poison in it for one, but the erm, cream-cheese icing they made separate looked quite, er, delish.

'Pollyanna Twentywell' by TONE. 

I hung around while it was cooking. I mean baking. They were talking about the fortune that their Dad had come into. Think it was something to do with, the er, shares or something. I don't really know, flies don't have currency of any kind, so it all goes over my head. They kept talking about a Will too. Not sure who he is.

'Nicholas Twentywell' by TONE.

There was a strange smell after a while, so I left. It didn't smell like burning, more like when Leroy is struggling to turn the oven on with a match.

Then I woke up this morning to sirens. Apparently there was a big explosion in Pollyanna's flat. Don't know if they were in it. Hopefully not, but they were very sleepy before I went. 

- TONE. 

Neighbourhood Sketch

Hello, my name is TONE. Erm, I don't think that I have formally introduced myself yet, well, maybe not on here at least. I am the one who did all the illustrations on this blog. I'm also a bluebottle, and I live here in Leroy's maisonette with Leroy, Major Gubbins and the others.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling a little uninspired, what I like to do is fly around the estate and sneak into the homes of our neighbours. You see, I find humans very odd and very interesting. The way that they behave in private is very different to how they behave in public. Fly's aren't really like that. We don't really have any hang up's. We're more, how you say, "what you see is what you get". 

Anyway, like I was saying, I enjoy watching my neighbours, and when I get back from doing so, I feel all inspired and I usually end up drawing the people that I have just been nebbing on. Here are a few that I did last week.

'Egg & Cress' by TONE.

The doodle above is of Kim, who lives a few doors down from us. Whenever I go round, she's always got an egg & cress sandwich on the go. She's a really nice lady, who believes everything deserves to live, even flies.

'Margaret and Her Ugly Pussy' by TONE.

This lady is called Margaret, she is a spinster, and she's always naked. I don't know for sure, but I think she was a big player in the late seventies naturist scene. Running events, building awareness, things like that. Oh, and she also works on the meat counter at the Meadowhead Morrison's. I always think of her when Leroy comes home from there with some fresh ham.

'Musical Marcus' by TONE.

The first time Trevor the Lady Towel saw this one he thought it was a bad attempt at Tom Cruise, but it's actually of a man called Marcus. He's a fan of musicals, but I can't imagine that anyone knows that about him. I love to go round when he's watching one, cos he always sings along and acts out each scene. Although, he did try and swat me once. 

- TONE.

P.S. Major Gubbins wanted me to mention that there won't be a new 'READ ME!' letter next month. This is because Minor Gubbins broke the printer trying to print "Major Gubbins is a very happy donkey dong" on a butter knife. Leroy's looking into getting us another one, either from the local dump or, failing that, a shop.