Wednesday, 8 May 2013

Tea-Break Tomfookary

Alreight yous, Minor Gubbins 'ere cos mi' brother Major Gubbins has given mi' this stupid 'Tea-Break Tomfookary' to do. He told mi' we should maybe do summit like that crap 'Midweek Mission' thing that he and TONE. used to do, but he thought that I'd be better at it. Anyweh', it's stuff for yous to do at work, on ya' tea-break or whatever. Unless you're like me that is, and ya' don't work. Then just do it to a stranger or your family.

1. Leave a piece of food in ya' teeth and see if anyone's nice enough to say summit to yous about it. Those who don’t go straight on the ‘prick-list’.

2. Put a pigs head in the staff fridge with a note saying “you’re next!” in its gob.

3. When no one’s looking unscrew all the office furniture, leaving it all in place. Don’t forget to film it, yeah, not when there’s £250 quid or YouTube stardom to be had. Idiots love that stuff. 

4. Replace any hand sanitiser that's kickin' about wi' dog urine, or your own if ya' can't find a dog.

5. Ring ya' mobile phone provider for a chat. It proper throws ‘em off.

That's all for now, bye-bye then.

- Minor Gubbins


  1. I quite like to do number 2 but for myself. Put a pig face in the fridge with the note: you will look like this if you keep eating like that! You think this will motivate me to stop eating?

    1. It’s pretty macabre as far as diet-aids go, but if it works for you, you could just be on to something. I'd love to see them try to flog it on QVC too! Any idea's what you would call this monstrosity?

      Thanks for commenting by the way. We weren't really expecting any for this. I only asked my brother to do it to keep him out of trouble and to vent some anger for 10 minutes. He's a vexed soul is Minor Gubbins, and this is the closest he gets to counselling.

      Oh, and I apologise that this isn't the most speedy of replies either. I've been trying to convince Minor to get back to you himself, but he said that he was far too busy injecting turkey fat into vegetarian ready-meals.

      - Major Gubbins

  2. the old urine in place of hand sanitiser trick, we're all been there!

    1. Yeah, I know this first "hand" thanks to Minor Gubbins, because I was his guinea pig for that particular one. Just can't believe that he pissed in the hospital hand sanitising station, and then I was gullible enough to use it. I even walked half way across Sheffield to get to the hospital to use it.

      - Major Gubbins (on behalf of Minor Gubbins)